Diplomacy
Metaphysics
By Michael Hopcroft
Originally
Appearing in Diplomacy World #60
Diplomacy is an odd game, and some
odd people play it. Being of a philosophical bent by nature, and one who is
always willing to look foolish in a good cause, I thought I would speculate for
a moment on what the pieces mean.
Suppose the Diplomacy map
represented a real world? Suppose the moves made by Dip players were, in some
alternate cosmos, actually happening?
A real war fought in the manner of
a Diplomacy game would be odd. There isn't much historical evidence I can see of
countries changing sides in the middle of a modern war. There would be much
confusion on the lines were that to happen.
"Say, aren't those our allies
marching in?" "They sure are. But their bayonets are fixed and they don't look
happy. I suggest we duck."
Neutral capitals would be a frenzy
of activity. Diplomats from all
sides would meet in Switzerland in secret to arrange the changes of sides. The
dealing would be fast and furious, as great powers suddenly cease to exist.
The war itself may or may not be
bloody. Soldiers would seem to be
very willing to give up territory rather than get squashed. Neutral countries,
accepting their lot as part of the vast empires, won't resist at all. Maneuver
is emphasized over fighting, and when faced with overwhelming odds armies
invariably retreat.
How does the individual soldier
feel? Caught in seemingly endless fighting against enemies who were once
friends, the individual soldier would have to feel his effort pointless.
What about the civilians? War
breaks out everywhere suddenly after almost a century of peace, for no reason
whatsoever. I'm sure shock would give way to ennui; "So who's conquering us ibis
time, I wonder?" "The English." "Better stock up on tea
then."
Only a select, slightly mad few
would realize that their world was crumbling because somewhere in the infinity
of space-time seven people are playing a game. I know that it would threaten my
sanity to realize my universe is merely a game board!
Michael Hopcroft is the former publisher of Not Up to Modern Graphics Standards.